When I was in school my teacher always told me that the school is the only important part "this is your turning point", rest of your life will be easy, so I took the turn. Then I went to do my 10+2 and I heard them saying this is the most important part of your life "10+2 is the turning point", so I turned again. Then I entered engineering and I heard the same story again and I turned again as usual. Now after doing my masters I turned and looked back, all these turns made a big 'O'. Now I finished my Masters, and I still don't know where I am going. I am standing at the same place where I started.
The present biggest issue in my life is 'identity'. What am I? Where do I stand? Am I a good person? A bad person? Or a person with really no existence? What people think about me, is it the truth? Or what I think that people think about me is the truth? Does my existence, in any way, matter to other (apart from my parents) people around me? Do they really want me in their life? Or do I do any good by being in their life? Does the people who behave very well to me, really mean it? Or is it that they just don't want to hurt me by saying the truth? They say everyone is born for a destiny, what is mine? Where will I find it? Do I really have one? Or was I born for nothing? Huff lots lots and lots of questions. But not even a single answer. May be this is the outcome of the frustration that is growing inside me because of unemployment.
Talking about destiny, this word is somewhere related to god, isn't it? I mean its god who decides our destiny, right. But deep down somewhere, I am a hardcore atheist. Is it apt for me to talk about destiny. Atheist don't believe in God, so they shouldn't believe in destiny too, right. But the problem is I believe that for a human being the fellow human being is god. Huff I don't know what I am thinking. I am spending most of my days, finding the answers for these questions. Really, someone said so much right that empty mind is devil's workshop.
I don't know whether anyone will be interested, and even bother to post a comment on this post. But it feels so good and relief after writing this. I want to continue this writing for long. I want to make it interesting too. No matter what the response is.
Well, in the first paragraph you mentioned that, when you look back at your life, it is only a Big 'O'. Lucky you, you already managed you complete the circle. Next in for you, is filling it.
ReplyDeleteAnd next, you a good/bad person? At first place how does it matter what people think about you. Not everyone will like the way you are. And it is pretty normal. Just think about those, whom you think, are needed in your life. Not "do they need me". The rest are like a season. And about unemployement, come on dude, where is that Siraj we all know, who always used to say, "he would one day have his own company and recruit all his friends". You always had the capability to create jobs and manage many things at a time. This is that phase of your life where you have time to explore the oppurtunities and the world. BRING IT OUT.
And then, you being an atheist. May be or may not be. But one thing, everything is faith. No one can show you God, or destiny. It is all your faith.
I am waiting to work for you. Now it's up to you, on what you do. Nothing has come to an end. It all just started.
Pretty philosophical stuff Siraj...not something that I expected from you but well you have always managed to surprise and here you do again.
ReplyDeletenot a bad start.. may be you should stop worrying about god and destiny.. and sit down and think about who you are and what are you and what you want.. :D
ReplyDeleteNot bothering of what people think about me was my way of living life. All I wanted to know is, about the people, who are with me, what do they think about me.
ReplyDeleteThe comments really helped me to continue. There were a few other comments by some other friends who were unable to post, will try to post thrugh my account. Thanks to you guys.